Courtesy of my dad…via his iPad…you gotta love technology!

RULE ONE: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a package because you’re sure not picking anything up.

RULE TWO: Do not touch my daughter in my presence. You may glare at her adoringly, so long as you do not peer at anything below the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter I will remove them.

RULE THREE: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of your hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. If you show up at my home with your pants falling down I will be forced to ensure that they do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter by taking my electric staple gun and fastening the pants directly to your waist.

RULE FOUR: I’m sure you’ve been told that sex in today’s world without a “barrier device” can kill you. Let me elaborate: I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

RULE FIVE: Current thinking is that in order for you and me to get to know each other, we should talk politics, sports, and other issues. Do not do this. Your ignorance and stupidity will only serve to anger me. The only information I require of you is when you will have my daughter home. To this end, you only need two words: “early” and “sir”.

RULE SIX: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it’s okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you’ve gone out with my little girl you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry harder.

RULE SEVEN: As you stand in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, putting on make-up, or whatever; a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, do something useful, like change the oil in my car.

RULE EIGHT: The following places are not appropriate places to take my daughter: places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool – places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight – places that are dark or poorly lit – places where there is dancing, holding hands, or excessive happiness – places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat – movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme. Hockey games are okay, old folks homes are better, a convent is best.

RULE NINE: Do not ever lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

RULE TEN: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a rice paddy. When my PTSD starts kicking in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Note the camouflaged face in the window is mine. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car

Earlier this week I had the great opportunity to keynote the first ever Digital World Expo in Las Vegas, NV. Shawn Rorick put together a really solid summit. Digital World Expo was his brain-child and it’s impressive to see how he took an idea from concept all the way to execution. From coordinating the location, finding sponsors, locking down speakers, promoting the event and more, Shawn and his team did a tremendous job of delivering one of the better events that I’ve attended.

On day 1, I took to the stage to kick off and keynote the conference. My slides, sans the video content, can be seen here.

I’m thankful for Shawn’s invitation and those who crawled out of bed on a Monday morning at 8 AM to listen to my thoughts about the future and how to stay relevant over the next decade.

It’s not what you put into it. It’s what you leave out. Listen to Marvin Gaye, a song like “What’s Happening, Brother,” there’s a single “woo!” at the end of the second verse … that’s what you remember. It’s the little things, the silly things, it’s only one of them and it makes the song. It’s what you leave out. That’s rock ‘n’ roll. It’s what you leave out.

Next time you’re in a serious conversation take note of the questions your counterpart is avoiding, not answering, glossing over, etc.  Their lack of answers will tell you more than the answers they provide to your direct questions.  People withhold information more than they share it.  Ask someone what their favorite color is and you’ll usually get a straightforward answer.  And why not?  It’s a simple question, with very little downside.  But, ask someone a tougher question…or rather an uncomfortable one and you’ll rarely get a real answer.  It’s not in our nature to venture out of our comfort zone.  Yesterday, I had two interesting conversations where what was left out told me more than was actually said.  I learned this technique while working at DRAFT FCB.  A really great Account Director taught me how to read a room, watch for facial expressions and of course listen for what was left out.

In today’s very digital world, getting real face time can be challenging, but I think it actually makes it easier to read a situation because you have a real record of the conversation (assuming you’re using email or text message).  You can literally look back on a conversation and see what was asked, what was shared and of course what was omitted. Give it a try next time.

It’s been a hell of a year. Before the start of the New Year I often take stock of the current year. I think it’s important to reflect on what you’ve learned, otherwise you’ll simply make the same mistakes. 2010 was an interesting year. I think the overall theme was humbled. When I add up everything I experienced, everything I’ve learned, it all rolls up to that magic word. I could wax on and on about the definition of humbled and how it applies to the last 12 months, but I’ll spare you the philosophy and get right to everything I’ve learned.

1. Pork bellies are to die for
2. Social media is creating mobs reminiscent of ancient Rome
3. Never under-estimate the impact, power and influence Facebook has on your own relationships
4. I can live without “stuff” – I think we accumulate too much stuff unnecessarily, it’s amazing how little you can get by on
5. I love my car, it loves me and it’s just that simple
6. People who have dogs are a little bit crazy; nod your head, accept it and move on – we’re all a little crazy
7. White plates aren’t boring, they’re pretty cool
8. The world and people are fickle. One minute your up, the next minute your down.
9. As Sinatra said, “some people get their kicks stomping on a dream”
10. Sweet tea is great; I sometimes wish I lived in the south so I can have it every day
11. Business class isn’t worth paying for
12. Music is more important to me than I ever thought it was or it could be
13. If it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make sense
14. Don’t sweat the small stuff; it ain’t worth it
15. Accept that flights will be delayed and/or canceled; it happens
16. When you see the red flags, stop and reconsider
17. Abide by Gladwell’s “Blink” concept
18. Blood is thicker than water; never under-estimate the influence parents have
19. Quality over quantity
20. There’s red wine out there I can enjoy
21. As the Godfather said, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer
22. Try as I might, I still have no love for fish
23. Kids can make you feel old and young at the same time
24. Take chances, take risks and embrace failure
25. I still believe in the idea of the grand gesture, despite seeing it backfire 3 times this year
26. You can’t expect people to live up to the expectations you place upon yourself; we’re all different
27. I’m addicted to Hot Chocolate – the best is from Peet’s Coffee
28. Forever isn’t forever, it for as long as you make it
29. You can leverage customer service as great marketing; see Southwest
30. 10 year old+ Crystal Pepsi is not tasty at all
31. Apparently, I notice people’s teeth first; it’s made me more aware of my own teeth
32. In the first 5 minutes people will tell you their 3 most important “things”
33. Virtual connections are great, but real ones are better
34. I’m not a fan of makeup on women – just not, sorry
35. My feet have gotten bigger or shoes sizes are skewing smaller – either way, I gained a half size
36. Live concerts are amazing; there is no comparison
37. My ex-wife is an amazing mother and friend.  We should all be so lucky to have such great divorces.  Every time I see my kids I see the impact she makes on them every day.
38. “Change The Game” is an over used marketing goal/strategy and/or tagline
39. CraigsList amazes me – so easy to use, so effective
40. You’re not as important as you think you are; people move on really quick and you’re easily forgotten
41. Cell phones are cheaply made – I’ve broken two this year, one by dropping and one from some water
42. Being stubborn doesn’t help anyone, least of all, yourself
43. Make the little things, the big things
44. You can never have enough cabinet space in your kitchen
45. eMail, texting, chatting and other forms of digital communication are crippling us – make more time for face time
46. What’s in the box matters…
47. I’m a great dad, but I can still be better
48. You’ll meet new and amazing people when you least expect it
49. It takes two; you can only control your own destiny to a point
50. I was wrong about the iPad. It’s quickly becoming the killer device.
51. I was right about Android; the walled garden Apple offers won’t be able to compete
52. It’s not about who you are or where you are; it’s about who you’re with
53. I don’t know as much as I thought I did

So there it is. 2010 was a year of ups and downs, highs and lows and at times was like a roller coaster. I’m looking forward to applying everything I learned in 2010 to 2011. I have a feeling 2011 is going to be pretty kick ass.

Still, working on a title for the book, but I’ve definitely made some serious progress on the chapter names and even the actual content.  First, a little bit of background.  For as long as I can remember, my dad has been pushing me to write a book about the insanity I’ver observed and experienced.  I’m no, Bill Clinton, so writing an auto-biography of sorts always seemed silly.  But, after John was born I got the idea to write an advice book for my two kids – with the advice being slightly different for John than it would be for Cora.  Yes, there’s a double-standard; my daughter can never date.  It’s that simple!

A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I could merge both of these topics together into 1 compelling story.  The advice I’d be giving my kids would be heavily based on my own life experiences (the good and the bad).  So here’s where we’re at with the chapter names:

1. Thin Is In
2. Mean Kids Suck
3. Make Mistakes Often
4. You Can Be Anything You Want To, Unless You Can’t
5. Travel Far And Often
6. The Soundtrack Of Your Life
7. …And Eventually You’ll Discover The Beatles
8. “Put On Side 1 Of Led Zeppelin IV”
9. The Grand Gesture
10. Never Take No For An Answer
11. Why Star Wars Is Better Than Star Trek
12. Nothing Good Happens After Midnight
13. Liquor Before Beer
14. What You Wear Mattters
15. Act Like You’ve Been There Before
16. How To Tell If They’re Right For You
17. “You Ruined My Life”
18. Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Except When Love Is Involved
19. 3 Simple Rules
20. Take Time, To Make Time, To Soak It All In
21. Quality Trumps Quantity
22. Don’t Negotiate With Terrorists
23. Negotiate Like A Terrorist
24. The Bucket List
25. Why I’m Always Right…And Why You’ll Always Be Right When You’re A Parent

Chapters 1, 4, 6, 8, 13, 17 and 22 already have first drafts.  My goal is to have a first draft of the whole book by March 1st.  I figure I’ll have a lot of time over the holidays to make a serious dent.  If you’ve got thoughts for a title, send them my way.  Who knows, maybe you’ll make the acknowledgments!

You never know who you’re going to meet at airports. Today I was supposed to leave on a 5:20 flight from Chicago to Los Angeles. We left at roughly 8:30. Normally this would have bothered me, but I ended up having an amazing conversation with a priest who was also on the flight.

I’m not what you’d call a spiritual person. I’ve never been baptized, but I was once married in a Catholic Church. Crazy, I know. Anyways, Fr. Alex was a young guy and we hit it off from the beginning. How could I not, the guy was on Facebook and inquired about my iPad. We got to talking and covered a lot of ground. From why he became a priest to why I love interactive marketing and his love of the Red Sox to my interest in photography.

But, what we spent a lot of time discussing was the “modern relationship” – as he termed it – and why so many relationships fail. We got on this subject because I had asked what he spent the most amount of time dealing with in his parish…which was, you got it, the modern relationship. In short, he’s seen a lot for a guy who’s been doing this for only roughly 6 years. He offered me the following advice and insight:

1. As a society we throw in the towel too quickly because we are impatient and expect instant change.

2. If couples spent as much time talking about their issues with each other as did with their friends and family, the issues would be fixed quicker.

3. The first question he asks is “what would make you happy?” Then he works back from there to help build a path for getting to what makes them happy.

4. We have too many distractions that allow us to ignore the problems. For example, cell phones, the internet, TiVo, video games, etc. He preaches the idea of having 1 hour every day where you simply talk with each other.

5. Answers to problems don’t come in the form of pills, a bottle, the bed of someone else (I guess I shouldn’t be surprised with this one, but instead of running toward your current relationship partner, many will run to an old flame or a random one. I see this on facebook all the time. The first thing someone does is friend an old flame.). They also don’t come from your support network (see #2); in fact our traditional support network. often gives us poor advice in an effort to make us feel better. Answers come from an investment in time and effort.

6. Text messages are not a substitute for real conversation. He talked about how couples might text “I love you” instead of simply picking up the phone.

7. He explains to people that you must be prepared to make mistakes and fail. It’s through continued efforts that you start to make real progress.

8. Don’t assume. To which I said right because it makes an ass out of u and me. He laughed. Good sense of humor. Don’t assume they know you care. Don’t assume everything is fine. Don’t assume they intentionally tried to hurt you.

9. Little things matter. It is the every day things that provide continuity and remind us that we are loved.

10. Too often we talk around a problem, instead of getting to the core. He explained a situation where a husband felt slighted because his wife was never home (she worked 2 jobs). Now, she felt he didn’t appreciate her efforts to help support the family financially. The real issue wasn’t the hours being worked, the real issue is he never thanked her for the sacrifices she was making and she never told him she would much rather be home with him than at work. Simple, right?

11. Material things do not solve problems, they actually escalate them because we feel guilty discussing a problem if we have been offered a gift. Many people buy gifts thinking it’s a great way to apologize, but in reality it is a defense mechanism designed to avoid the real tough conversations.

12. Forgive and forget often/don’t hold grudges. When hurt, people will do and say things they don’t mean. We lash out because we are wounded. Unfortunately, the recipient of that behavior rarely is willing to forgive (when the person is genuinely contrite) and instead holds on to these situations, aggregates them, which amplifies future situations. If you will, we roll the hurt forward which makes the next time we are hurt 2x as bad. I saw this same approach on an episode of Man vs Food, where the hot sauce from previous batches was combined with future batches, making the future batches hotter.

13. Never go to bed angry. Your head should never hit the pillow without saying what should be said.

14. It’s never too late to change your mind, apologize or fix something. He said many people believe that if too much time has passed they shouldn’t, can’t, or won’t do the right thing. This was an interesting one because what he was getting at was that time doesn’t heal all wounds like we think it does. Time is fuel being poured on a fire for most people. The more time that lapses, the less likely we are to do what is right. We become more fearful and get caught up by our own momentum forward, that we don’t realize it’s actually very easy to reverse course.

15. Stubbornness will eventually lead to loneliness. Or as he put it, would you really want to see your former better half with someone else, knowing you could still be together had you just said, “sorry?”

Relationships, casual and formal, are complex. There aren’t shortcuts to making a relationship work and like Fr. Alex stated to me, relationships are a constant work in progress, because we are people who are constantly evolving.

So, I figured since we had hit it off so well I’d tell him about my relationship problems and see what he thought. He said a lot…too much for this novel of a post. But, there was one thing he shared with me that I wanted to pass on, because it think it’s applicable to the masses:

You can not judge the next relationship by the previous one, it’s not fair to you, the previous person or the new person. Instead, you must remember that each relationship is unique and should be treated as such. That said, there is one one constant – time is not finite, you never know when your time is up, treat each day as if tomorrow will not come.

While the focus of our conversation was on personal relationships, I think all of his wisdom is applicable to professional ones as well

Well, when I woke up this morning I certainly didn’t think I’d be having a marathon chat with a priest. But, life gives you little surprises like that.

I appreciate Fr. Alex letting me take notes. About 20 minutes into our conversation I asked him if it would be ok and there was no hesitancy in his response.

At the end of our conversation, just like any great marketer, he pulled the hard close and said I should swing by his church on Sunday. Not sure that’s going to happen, but you never know.

Ready any white paper, book, article, etc. about negotiations and the first thing they mention is finding a common ground.  They’ll also talk about the need for compromise; I’ll touch on why compromise is a bad idea in a later post.  Inherently, I understand what these pieces of advice are trying to get at.  However, I’ve often felt they overlook the single most important aspect of any negotiation: philosophical alignment.

You might be scratching your head right now.  Let me explain.  Tribes A and B send negotiators to the table for the purposes of determining the name of God.  Tribe A, believes God’s name is “Joe.”  Tribe B doesn’t believe in God.  That’s going to be a tough set of negotiations for Tribe B.  Think about it, he/she has to try and talk Tribe A not just out of the name Joe, but out of the concept that God even exists.  Not likely.

Another example that might be more practical is a husband coming home to his wife to try and get her to agree to buy a Boxer (breed of dog).  Only one problem.  No, not that she prefers a Lab, but, instead she’s allergic to dogs.  Think about that.  This guy is not just trying to convince his wife about the breed of dog, but dogs in general.  Ouch.  Good luck!

Before I enter any negotiation I push myself to examine if the other party is philosophically aligned with my thinking…and vice versa.  If not, I’m generally inclined to walk away from the table.  There’s no sense in investing time and effort into a negotiation that won’t yield a positive result.  Granted, people lose negotiations all the time.  And when you lose, it stings.  But, at least the conversation in those losses was worthwhile because you had a chance to win.  But, when you invest in a negotiation that starts with not being philosophically aligned, you’re asking for some serious irritation.  Trust me!  The next time you’re headed to the negotiation table, whether the stakes are big or small, make sure you’re philosophically aligned.

Last night I saw, Wall Street – Money Never Sleeps.  I’ve been looking forward to this for some time.  I was a big fan of the original Wall Street movie and was chomping at the bit to see Michael Douglas reprise his role as Gordon Gekko.  I won’t ruin the movie for you and give away secrets, but I will tell you that there is a profound scene in which Gordon Gekko explains that time, not money is the most valuable currency.

Of late, I’ve been thinking the same thing.  If you really think about it, time is the one thing that every day we get less of.  It’s a rapidly depreciating asset that we aren’t even control of.  It’s tragic really that we don’t value something like time more than cars, jewelry, HD TVs and of course money.  All of those and more can easily be added to, replaced and in some cases they can appreciate in value.  Nope, not time.  If you store it, unlike money, you lose it.  If you waste it, you can’t earn it back.  Time is ultimately invaluable.

The president of our agency, Michele Fabrizi, often challenges me and our Sr. leadership staff with an important question.  If you only had 2 hours in a day, how would you spend that time to drive the agency forward.  I won’t give way what I’d do here, but I can tell you that this concept works beyond the borders of our jobs.  If all you had was 2 hours, how would you spend it?  Would you really spend it shopping?  Or watching TV?  Or getting a manicure?  Would you?  I sure hope not, because all of those past times are wasted time.

Give some thought to the people that matter most in your life and the activities that make you happy.  Those are the things worth those valuable 2 hours.  Money, ultimately is insignificant unless you have none or you’re filthy rich.  If you’re in between those two extremes, money is worth less than time.  Why?  Well, if you have no money and all of a sudden have several thousand, you won’t waste it on expensive meals, because you know what it’s like not to have any money.  In effect, you’d treat every dollar very preciously.  At the other end of the spectrum are people like Bill Gates.  They have the luxury of being in complete control of how those 2 hours are spent, because everything is an option.  For you and I, using those two hours to fly to another state would be impossible.  For Bill, it’s possible with a simple phone call.

For all the rest of us in the middle, we spend most of our time chasing money instead of chasing moments.  And I can tell you, from experience, all the money in the world doesn’t help you get back a missed moment.

A highly recommend the movie and recommend you think about the value of time:

Found this photo while digging through old baby photos.

It’s a picture of my Grandfather, an avid fisherman hanging out with me on his farm in New Hampshire.  I can only imagine the advice he was imparting on me.  You gotta love these candid moments.  I’m so glad my dad was there to capture the moment.

“It’s only my job, it’s not my whole life.” Those are the words uttered more like a question than a statement, by Rachel McAdams in the trailer for the movie, Morning Glory. I’m not a Harrison Ford guy or a Diane Keaton fan. I’ve enjoyed Rachel McAdams’ work, but not enough to make me line up to see a movie she’s going to star in. But, I caught this trailer Friday night and was lured in by that line and the subsequent one delivered by Harrison Ford…

“I was never at home, when I was I took every phone call, watching TV out of the corner of my eye, let me tell you how it all turns out, you end up with nothing.”

I love my job. I love my career. I love what I get to do on a daily basis. But, over the last few years I’ve learned that you can’t let your job take over your life. When that happens, you have no life.