The Worst Night Of My Life

Short Version
Buy a carbon monoxide detector for you home. It could save your life.

Long Version
When a bunch of guys get together for some drinks, without failure the conversation will turn into a category requiring one-up-menship. It could be anything from the worst date, worst job, or worst injury. Ladies I’m sure you’ve had similar types of discussions. Well, I can officially say that when the conversation turns to the worst night ever, I will have everyone beat. Seriously. Let me tell you about the night of March 16th and the very early morning of March 17th.

Monday night around 9pm I had a noticeable headache. That should have been my first sign, because I never get a headache or get sick. The headache was so bad, I opted to turn into bed early. Again, something that rarely, if ever, happens. At about 2:00 AM in the morning I woke up and was feeling quite light headed and somewhat disoriented. Basically it felt exactly like it does when you go to bed drunk and wake up half drunk/half hungover. I thought to myself, maybe I’m just a little dehydrated and need some fluids. Off to the kitchen. I stumbled into the kitchen and struggled to get a Gatorade from the fridge. I hit the floor like a ton of bricks, conking the back of my head and my elbow. All of this are things I learned later on the morning of March 17th.

I was on the floor of the kitchen passed out until I heard the some seriously loud knocking at the front door. Stumbling, I made my way to the door and was greeted by paramedics. I didn’t have the wherewithal to connect and comprehend why they were there. The rest is a little foggy. I was placed into an ambulance and driven to the UPMC Hospital near the University of Pittsburgh campus. I spent the next several hours receiving oxygen, getting a CAT scan, and undergoing a bunch of tests.

It wasn’t until about 7am on the morning of March 17th that I learned what had happened. Apparently, I was suffering from sever carbon monoxide poisoning. A normal healthy person has a 0% level of carbon monoxide in their body. A smoker has 5%. I had 27%. WTF? How did this happen. There was no answer on that yet. After being told why I was in the hospital they moved me over to receive the “serious” treatment. I had no idea, but the main course of treatment for carbon monoxide poisoning was spending time in a hyperbaric chamber. I can officially tell you that laying in a hyperbaric chamber is not fun. The chamber is designed to literally push out the carbon monoxide from your bloodstream and replace it with oxygen. Fascinating, effective, but still creepy.

Following my stint in the hyperbaric chamber I met with a homicide detective, yeap you heard me right, who was investigating the situation. Damn, only 2+ weeks in Pittsburgh and already someone was trying to put a hit on me In all seriousness though, he took my statement (pretty much everything you read so far) and filled me in on what happened. Basically someone left a maintenance vehicle running in a closed garage. The carbon monoxide from the vehicle made its way into all the condos next to it. My condo was the closest, which is why I was rocking a 27% on the carbon monoxide meter. The Pittsburgh Post Gazette covered the story; I’m the “one man in serious condition.”

After the interview I spent the next few hours undergoing a battery tests (I passed them all) and trying to convince the doctors to let me leave. My negotiation skills were quite strong and they agreed to let me leave. But, that’s when I realized I had a big problem. In the insanity that was the previous night, no one had the presence of mind to grab my shoes, pants, or wallet. So there I was standing in my shorts and a t-shirt trying to figure out how I’d get home. The hospital was nice enough to call me a cab and the cab driver was nice enough not to ask questions.

I made it home, paid the cab driver, took a shower, and hopped a plane to Chicago for some business meetings. That sounds nuts, I realize, but work doesn’t stop just because I’m poisoned

I wanted to write this post so that:

1. I could get my story down on paper
2. I could share with you all why I was noticeably absent lately from the blog, twitter, Facebook, etc.
3. To encourage you all to purchase a Carbon Monoxide detector.

You can’t smell carbon monoxide. It can paralyze you and leave you unconsious. I got lucky because a guy living above me had a carbon monoxide detector that went off. He was the one who called 911. If he wasn’t there, who knows what would have happened. Let my story be a kick in the pants for you all. Run out to your local True Value and spend the less than $30.00 (usually) to keep you and your family safe.