It’s Deja Vu All Over Again

My daughter Cora and my son John make a lot of mistakes. And often, they make the same mistake over and over. But, considering that they’re 3 and 1, respectively, I cut them some slack. I don’t expect them to learn from their mistakes quickly.

When I first started working at MARC USA, my boss and I had a very frank conversation where I asked her, “so what happens, when I make a mistake?”. It’s an important question and one that was close to home because of how prior bosses had acted. Her response was simple and straight forward:

1. Don’t let me be the 2nd person to know
2. Fix it
3. Don’t make the same mistake again

All of those things are fair. It’s a reason we have such a great working relationship. I make mistakes. I’m not perfect, though I strive for perfection. And I rarely make the same mistake twice.

My expectations for my kids are certainly different than those for people my age…and with good reason. I’m surprised routinely how many people make the same mistake over and over. My parents abided by the hot stove approach to teaching lessons. Sure, they could tell you over and over not to touch the stove because it’s hot and could burn you. Or, they could let you the touch the hot stove, burn your hand, feel the pain and have it seared into your memory. I learned my lessons early and rarely made the same mistake.

I often apply the hot stove approach to my day to life. And I’m routinely blown away with people who have burned their hand once, yet, still go back to the stove and place their hand on it.

You have to wonder, are these people simply looking to be scolded? I don’t know, but I can tell you, I take no joy from watching Deja Vu happen all over again. Because, when people refuse to learn from their mistakes, you have to realize you’ve made a mistake in expecting them to change. You have become the person you loathe. It’s a humbling experience. However, the only way to move on is to stop expecting them to change, separate yourself from them and move on.