Facebook

I wish I could have come up with a sexier title, but honestly, I’ve got nothing for you.  I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  The last few days I’ve had some interesting chats with people about Facebook that I thought you might enjoy reading.

I spoke with a soon to be 30 year old about why she wasn’t on Facebook.  She’s married, has more friends than I could ever count and recently had a baby.  Oh and most of those friends are already on Facebook.  So, she’s the perfect Facebook candidate right?  I asked her why she wasn’t on Facebook.  Her response, was that she doesn’t have time to “mess around” with Facebook…she has enough going on in her life and doesn’t need yet another distraction.  Well, no doubt, Facebook can be a time suck.  This is a tune I hear from lots of people, but it’s usually people in their 40s and 50s, not those in their 20s and 30s.  Kinda makes you wonder if Facebook has simply become too challenging and cumbersome to deal with.

I spoke to another 20-something, this one was in her mid-20s.  She’s what you would describe as a heavy Facebook user. Well, with over 500 friends, how could she not be?  During our discussion I told her about my philosophy on who I choose to become friends with on Facebook.  For those of you not in the know, I abide by Dunbar’s Number and limit by friends to no more than 140.  This gave her a pause and she started asking me questions about how I choose who stays in the 140 and who leaves.  Our conversation was eye opening for her and she admitted that her own stream had become to cluttered with posts and status updates from people she didn’t really know or even care about.  Again, kinda makes you think about how cumbersome and unruly Facebook can be…especially when you simply accept “friends” like you breather air.

Lastly, I had an interesting and thought provoking conversation with a few college women about the importance Facebook plays in their lives.  One girl had 3,700+ “friends” and the other over 2,000.  I stumbled into a conversation between the two women about girl A being irritated at girl B for uploading old photos of girl A and her ex boyfriend and “tagging” those photos.  Apparently, this created a problem with girl A’s new boyfriend because he thought the photos were current.  I spent about 45 minutes talking to these women and came away with a clear understanding that Facebook isn’t just a means for staying in touch with friends; it’s also a historical archive or good and bad and a HUGE means for indicating “status.”  By status I don’t mean literally what you’re doing.  What I mean is that who your friends are, how many of them you have, your relationship status indication, etc. are ALL means of communicating preference and importance.  For these women, publishing on Facebook that they were in a relationship with boys A and B is a HUGE thing…just as it is when you indicate you are no longer in that relationship.  Who you maintain as connects and what photos you keep out there says a great deal about the “value” and importance of those people.  For example, if you keep your photos of your ex and let him/her retain their status as “friends” it gives them a VERY prominent place in the hierarchy of relationships.

Three different situations and these three are certainly not comprehensive and representative of every situation.  However, it gave me reason to think about about my own Facebook habits.  Why am I on Facebook?  Why do my connections mean? etc.  So here’s the scoop:

1. I enjoy the fact I can choose to engage with Facebook on my terms.  If I want to be active I can be.  If I want to be a passive participant I can do that as well.  Ultimately, I’m in control of my Facebook experience.  No one else can dictate how I use the platform…not even Facebook.
2. I am selective about who I choose to accept as “friends.”  I’m not a “friend whore” or the type of person who needs to collect friends.  Sorry, but if I don’t know you, we’ve never interacted nor do I have an interest in meeting you, we just aren’t going to be friend.  I get that some people feel compelled to accept requests from everyone.  That’s not my style.
3. Who you’re friends and connections are does say a lot about you.  If you keep your ex boyfriends as connections you should be prepared for strange looks.  Sorry, but it’s true.  If you keep photos of exes you should be prepared to get a raised eyebrow.  Look your social footprint says a lot about you historically and today.
4. I don think what info you contain in your bio, specifically your relationship status, is important…if for no other reason than it’s important to other people and does send a message.  If you’re in a relationship with someone you should feel comfortable indicating and sharing that.  If not, it’s a clear sign you aren’t serious and that person should feel slighted.

Facebook is more than a profile.  It’s clear, it’s part of life…and it imitates life…or rather life is starting to imitate Facebook.