I recently got into the market for a new car. It was time to trade in my wife’s 2002 Jaguar X-Type. But, for what? Getting from the requirements to completing the purchase was a harrowing experience. The short story is we ended up with an Infiniti G37X. You can skip down to the bottom of this post for the lessons learned.

Here’s the long version. It took us roughly 45 days to go from the beginning of the process to the end. It was painful. We’ve purchased 3 houses and I can tell you that buying a car was a much worse process. Here’s why.

Requirements
It wasn’t too hard to figure out the requirements. This was probably the easiest part of the process. We wanted All Wheel Drive, Built In Navigation, Heated Seats, 4 Doors (not a coupe), Automatic Transmission, Seating for 5 (ideally 7), and a set budget. We wanted either a new car or a certified preowned.

Research
Wow! There were too many options to choose from. Do you look at Edmunds? Car & Driver? Road & Track? Can you trust JD Power or customer reviews? Searches on Google don’t exactly help you out either. There’s too much noise out there on the web. Even if you start at sites that are supposed to help you compare, contrast, and choose cars that meet your requirements you’ll get different answers. Cars.com, AutoBuyTel.com, and the like all create muddy water. There’s no consistency in how you compare vehicles. They all seem to be basing their GUI off of different data. There’s really no data integrity or consistent repeatable model for evaluating cars. That said, using a hybrid of tools and sources we had a short list of vehicles to check out: Acura MDX, Acural RL, BMW 528xi, Ford Fusion, Cadillac CTS, Infniti FX35, Infiniti G37x, and Volvo XC90.

Try, Trial, and Error
OK, so you’ve got a short list based on primarily unemotional information. Pictures, spec sheets, reviews, and charts are only part of the equation. You have to actually touch the car, hear the engine, and of course experience the ride. You’d think this would be easy, however finding a dealer that’s has the car you want to test drive on the lot can be tougher than you’d imagine. There’s a noticeable gap between the inventory information contained on a dealer’s site and what’s actually there when you show up. On more than 1 occasion we showed up at the dealer only to find out they didn’t have the car we wanted. For example, we showed up at a Ford dealership to test drive the AWD version of the Fusion, but they didn’t have any on the lot. After test driving every car on the list we had it narrowed down to 4: Acura MDX, BMW 528xi, Infiniti FX35, and Infiniti G37x.

The Money Game
The cost of a car is really made up of several things: Base Price, Less Trade In, Less Incentives, Less Negotiating Room, Plus Tax, Plus Title, Plus Other Fees…and of course the financing options. I listed out all the items, but how each dealer approaches them is completely inconsistent. There’s even inconsistencies by car model from the same dealer. Trying to figure out the net-cost is quite difficult. Shouldn’t it be easier? Sites like Cars.com list the MSRP, Dealer Invoice Price, and even sometimes the average cost people are paying. A site like KBB.com even gives you an idea for what to expect for your trade-in. Armed with all that information it should be really easy to guess how much you should be paying. It’s not that easy though. For example, the amount of money I was being offered for my trade-in varied as much as 25%. The money game also generally involves 4 players: the salesman, finance guy, technician, and a more senior salesman. After figuring out the “out the door” price for each vehicle we decided on the Infiniti G37x.

Paperwork
Cool, you’ve picked the car. We even picked from a variety of G37x’s on the lot. That meant we could choose color and features. That’s very cool, but we were lucky. Not every dealership was as well stocked. For example the Acura dealership only had 3 options to pick from for the MDX. At this point in the experience things should go fast, right? Wrong. This is where things come to a screeching halt. The dealer has no incentive to move things along, because you’ve already agreed to buy the car. From the time we agreed on the specific car, net cost, and finance options it took nearly 3 hours to actually drive off the lot. The dealership had to get a bunch of paperwork put together and clean the car we wanted. I don’t mind the cleaning the car part, but given all the paperwork we’d already filled out it the “final” paperwork should have gone much faster. The salesman passes you off to to the finance guy. The finance guy has you sign some papers and then passes you off to the guy who will actually handle the “final” paperwork. This guy is also the guy that will also try to up-sell you on an extended warranty, clear shield protectant, and many other wonderful things. Rather than have all the paperwork ready to go, he had to print each form individually while we were there. Crazy.

The Grand Finale
The dealership didn’t have the second key FOB on hand. Another salesman apparently had it on him and he was not working on the day we purchased the car. This means we need to swing by and pick it up. We’ll also need to stop by to pick up the license plates.

Apologies for the length, but given how long this post is, you can only imagine how long the process was in real time After going through this process here’s my take-aways on how to make the experience better:

1. Data Consistency: There’s just too many holes in the data. Everyone seems to be using a different source. This applies to even the dealer. The inventory being reported on the dealer’s website needs to represent what’s on the lot. It would also be fantastic if independent sites like Edmunds were leveraging the same data for their reviews and comparisons.
2. Stop Killing The Trees: The amount of repetition in paperwork was staggering. I still can’t get over the number of times we provided our name, address, social security number, and date of birth. From the minute I walk through the door they should be collecting data, dumping it into a consumer profile, and leveraging it to accelerate the whole buying process.
3. Transparency: I can’t believe I just typed that word. But, it’s true. Despite all the payment calculators, information on financing, advertising, and “free” honest information it’s impossible to figure out how much you’re going to pay. I should be able to have a damn good idea of how much the final cost is going to be. The haggling on price is one of the most time consuming parts of the process.

Shouldn’t it be easier? Why isn’t it?

Short Version
Buy a carbon monoxide detector for you home. It could save your life.

Long Version
When a bunch of guys get together for some drinks, without failure the conversation will turn into a category requiring one-up-menship. It could be anything from the worst date, worst job, or worst injury. Ladies I’m sure you’ve had similar types of discussions. Well, I can officially say that when the conversation turns to the worst night ever, I will have everyone beat. Seriously. Let me tell you about the night of March 16th and the very early morning of March 17th.

Monday night around 9pm I had a noticeable headache. That should have been my first sign, because I never get a headache or get sick. The headache was so bad, I opted to turn into bed early. Again, something that rarely, if ever, happens. At about 2:00 AM in the morning I woke up and was feeling quite light headed and somewhat disoriented. Basically it felt exactly like it does when you go to bed drunk and wake up half drunk/half hungover. I thought to myself, maybe I’m just a little dehydrated and need some fluids. Off to the kitchen. I stumbled into the kitchen and struggled to get a Gatorade from the fridge. I hit the floor like a ton of bricks, conking the back of my head and my elbow. All of this are things I learned later on the morning of March 17th.

I was on the floor of the kitchen passed out until I heard the some seriously loud knocking at the front door. Stumbling, I made my way to the door and was greeted by paramedics. I didn’t have the wherewithal to connect and comprehend why they were there. The rest is a little foggy. I was placed into an ambulance and driven to the UPMC Hospital near the University of Pittsburgh campus. I spent the next several hours receiving oxygen, getting a CAT scan, and undergoing a bunch of tests.

It wasn’t until about 7am on the morning of March 17th that I learned what had happened. Apparently, I was suffering from sever carbon monoxide poisoning. A normal healthy person has a 0% level of carbon monoxide in their body. A smoker has 5%. I had 27%. WTF? How did this happen. There was no answer on that yet. After being told why I was in the hospital they moved me over to receive the “serious” treatment. I had no idea, but the main course of treatment for carbon monoxide poisoning was spending time in a hyperbaric chamber. I can officially tell you that laying in a hyperbaric chamber is not fun. The chamber is designed to literally push out the carbon monoxide from your bloodstream and replace it with oxygen. Fascinating, effective, but still creepy.

Following my stint in the hyperbaric chamber I met with a homicide detective, yeap you heard me right, who was investigating the situation. Damn, only 2+ weeks in Pittsburgh and already someone was trying to put a hit on me In all seriousness though, he took my statement (pretty much everything you read so far) and filled me in on what happened. Basically someone left a maintenance vehicle running in a closed garage. The carbon monoxide from the vehicle made its way into all the condos next to it. My condo was the closest, which is why I was rocking a 27% on the carbon monoxide meter. The Pittsburgh Post Gazette covered the story; I’m the “one man in serious condition.”

After the interview I spent the next few hours undergoing a battery tests (I passed them all) and trying to convince the doctors to let me leave. My negotiation skills were quite strong and they agreed to let me leave. But, that’s when I realized I had a big problem. In the insanity that was the previous night, no one had the presence of mind to grab my shoes, pants, or wallet. So there I was standing in my shorts and a t-shirt trying to figure out how I’d get home. The hospital was nice enough to call me a cab and the cab driver was nice enough not to ask questions.

I made it home, paid the cab driver, took a shower, and hopped a plane to Chicago for some business meetings. That sounds nuts, I realize, but work doesn’t stop just because I’m poisoned

I wanted to write this post so that:

1. I could get my story down on paper
2. I could share with you all why I was noticeably absent lately from the blog, twitter, Facebook, etc.
3. To encourage you all to purchase a Carbon Monoxide detector.

You can’t smell carbon monoxide. It can paralyze you and leave you unconsious. I got lucky because a guy living above me had a carbon monoxide detector that went off. He was the one who called 911. If he wasn’t there, who knows what would have happened. Let my story be a kick in the pants for you all. Run out to your local True Value and spend the less than $30.00 (usually) to keep you and your family safe.